Hi everyone:
The other day, I arrived at the hospital to find Kathleen sitting up in bed with an angry look on her face. I thought that perhaps she hadn't received her medication on time and was in pain, or that a member of the medical crew was getting on her nerves. Cautiously, I said, "What's up?" Without a second's hesitation, she announced, "I am NOT going to be stuck in this hospital this weekend." I had no idea how to respond. Based on the look of conviction on her face, I was a little afraid to respond.
It's Saturday afternoon, and Kathleen is sitting right next to me...in the hospital. This is Day 11 of her second hospitalization. We still have no real sense of when she may be released.
We received confirmation Thursday afternoon that, as doctors had guessed, the fluid drawn from Kathleen's abdomen contained malignancies. Even though we were all fairly certain this would be the case, the hard data still carried an additional sting. She still retains a substantial amount of fluid on her abdomen, although the Lasix (diuretic) seems to have reduced the swelling in her ankles and feet. The excess fluid makes her very uncomfortable; it not only puts a lot of pressure on her stomach, but it also pushes up against her lungs, which makes it more of a challenge for her to breathe. Often, she is hooked up to oxygen.
Kathleen's blood counts continue to follow a predictable pattern. On the day she receives platelets and/or blood, as well as the day after, her markers improve. By the start of the next day, though, the numbers take a plunge, which necessitates her receiving further transfusions.
Last night, while washing her hair, Kathleen noticed that clumps of her hair were falling out (a side effect of chemotherapy). Today, if she runs her fingers through her hair, a bunch more comes loose. She said, "I feel like a dog, shedding everywhere," to which I replied, "Hey...YOU get down from that furniture!" Cancer or no cancer, Kathleen and I will rarely pass up on any opportunity to give each other grief. I love to see Kathleen laugh, even if the laughs don't come as readily or endure as long.
Each new indignity, combined with the sense of isolation (imprisonment?) she's feeling in the hospital (even with frequent visitors) brings her down a bit more, although her spirits seem to rebound pretty quickly. I keep hoping someone comes up with a magic solution, the perfect balance that will let her get out of here and enjoy time outside the hospital.
Hopefully, that answer will come soon.
Stay tuned...
Love,
Brian
I understand that some people believe Don is ALONE in seeing Kathleen "struggle in the wee hours". No offense to Don, but a great many people have been with Kathleen through a great many rough nights. Thankfully, she has rarely been alone through this ordeal, and many people who have jobs, families, etc. have set their time aside to support her.
ReplyDeleteTo imply that Don is the ONLY one who is protecting Kathleen is insensitive and very narrow-minded, even if the intent was to be supportive. Besides, there is ONE person who can understand, more than anyone (including Don), how painful this whole experience has been: Kathleen.